Category: connecting

Travel is wonderful…until…Blog #119

I love travel! It has been part of my life as long as I can remember. 

Travel has been experienced with family, friends, colleagues, and even strangers. Together, we have travelled to many countries, visited amazing places, eaten delicious food, walked trails that would be strictly forbidden in Canada. We traveled for pleasure and for business.

Our chosen accommodations have covered the gambit from yurts, to tents, to cottages, to cave houses, all the way to reclaimed palaces and castles. We’ve experienced the aftermath of war zones, hurricanes, drought, and culture shock. We’ve witnessed celebrations, wins, architectural wonders, the resilience of humanity, the wonder of creation, and the quirkiness of traditions. We have always come home with new perspectives, refreshed and rejuvenated (albeit somewhat exhausted…but a good exhaustion).

We have always been richer because of such adventures. Until ‘it’ happened.

It happened on a solo trip to Europe. It was one of the most traumatic experiences of my six decade life. In a matter of minutes, one sick individual managed to crack my love of adventure, my confidence in self and belief in humankind, my love of travel, my sense of safety. 

I was sexually assaulted. I was alone. I was scared, I was vulnerable, I felt deep anguish.

This isn’t the place to unveil the details, suffice to say, it set off a domino effect of emotions, self-doubt, self-evaluation, reaching out for help, questioning my faith, leaning on my amazing support network (personal and professional), and a renewed determination that one depraved, evil … (you can imagine what other descriptors would fit here), poor excuse for humanity, would not determine how I live my life.

But the journey to this determination was not easy, is not easy. It is still in process, but with the help of a wonderful trauma counsellor, and supportive family and friends, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am a firm believer in scenario planning. Going through the process of asking ‘What if…’ (the name of my memoir that is scheduled for release at the end of summer).  It’s natural for me to think through the potential challenges we may face in any given situation or event. I use it in business, teaching, and in my personal life…travel included. This scenario planning helps prepare for the journey ahead, helps me know what I can and should do to mitigate any potential road blocks or obstacles. If something doesn’t go as planned, I find myself reflecting on what I missed, what I should have thought of. If I had only thought of that, I could have avoided whatever happened.

That’s exactly what I did after it happened. I questioned and doubted myself. What did I do wrong? What did I miss? What could I have done to prevent it happening? The answer? Not a damn thing!

This experience taught me that some outcomes and happenings can’t be prepared for, or even identified. Sure, I can, and should, prepare, be equipped, scenario plan, but doing so will not stop bad things from happening. Bad things happen to everyone. Evil and good exist in the world, and no-one is exempt from the impact of either.

What can I do? Continue to build into the strong, amazing, support network I have — believe me,  it truly is a lifeline, continue to do due diligence in planning, AND, invest in some good self defence classes. I can’t stop such attacks from happening, and hope I never have a repeat performance, but I can prepare just incase. 

Photo by Pixabay on

As women, we should never have a fear of solo travel, but let’s be prepared, just in case. I will travel again, mostly with family and friends. But, if a solo trip is called for, I will go. It will call for certain courage, but I will go. 

Let me wrap up by expressing deep compassion for those who have been victims of such attacks…and worse! Don’t stay silent, reach out for help, find your voice, and don’t let these predators win!

If you need a listening ear, I’m here 

Networking – I really dislike that word…Blog #90

I stood on the outside balcony of the beautiful lake front hotel. The sun shone, the lake sparkled, the music volume was at just the right level for conversation, and every one of the 400 people in attendance were thoroughly enjoying themselves. Actually, make that 399 were enjoying themselves. I was not. My heart was racing, my palms sweaty, and I wanted to bolt!

Just the day before, I and four other new business start-ups had agreed to go to the highest attended annual networking event in Kelowna. You know, safety in numbers. None of us were comfortable ‘selling ourselves’ to a crowd of strangers, somehow letting them know that we ‘had what they needed’. So, we set a plan in place. We would pair up, approach the attendees, smile, have our new, shiny business cards ready to hand out, collect all the cards we could. We were prepared, what could possibly go wrong? 

So, there I was, right on time, standing on the balcony like the Queen of England waiting to greet her subjects. That’s when my cell vibrated with notification of a text. 

I’m so sorry, but I can’t make it tonight, something’s come up.”

“That’s ok”, I replied “these things happen.”

No problem, three of us can still work the plan, just breath Roberta. Then another vibration. 

I hate to do this, but I just don’t feel good. I need to bail tonight. You understand, don’t you?”

Two down, still two standing. We got this! Breaths are coming almost in spasms. And then the unthinkable happened. You guessed it. “My boyfriend just came into town for a surprize visit! I can’t leave after he drove all this way. Sorry. I knew you’d understand.”

I would understand? Are you kidding me?! I could have come up with a million valid reasons (ok, maybe two or three) for not making the event, but I didn’t. I was there. I was alone. The air had been sucked out of my bubble!

Let me just insert here, that I am truly an introvert. When I teach, or present at a conference, you would never know it, but I am. If you are familiar with Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, I’m an INTP. (I still have a difficult time getting my head around this tool). That ‘I’ stands for Introverted. If I’m representing something, or someone else, or if I have a task to do at a function, I’m ok. But put me in a situation with strangers and charge me with drawing attention to myself, I’m not a happy camper. I’m in panic mode. 

What happened next made me believe in angels. As my eyes scanned the crowd they spotted a lady I had only recently met. Our eyes met; she recognized me! And, she waved for me to come and join her! Thank you God! When I reached the spot where she stood waiting, I quickly blurted out my dilemma, hardly stopping to breathe, and asked if I could hang out with her. Remember, I had only recently met this lady, so I’m sure my emotional eruption must have taken her aback. Her next words were music to my ears. “Of course you can. Let me introduce you to some people and show you how it’s done.” The birds once more started to sing.

For the next two hours, I witnessed what I could only describe as ‘the networking dance’. This lady moved fluidly from conversation to conversation, introducing me, asking questions of each person, smiling, connecting, inquiring of life happenings in their lives, all the while holding on to a glass of wine, passing out business cards, and simply floating. The breath I was holding for so long had slowly released, liked at the end of Seasons of Life during a performance of Rent; I was in awe! 

My heart was no longer racing, I could shake someone’s hand without fear of leaving a sweaty impression. I heard myself laughing and asking questions; I was actually having fun. 

A discovery, a lightbulb moment, had just occurred worth every bit of anxiety previously experienced. Networking is not about telling people about me. It’s about being curious, listening, paying attention to what others say, hearing their struggles, their joys, their pain. And, if appropriate, offering myself, my product or service to help meet their needs. That’s it. 

Being an introvert is actually a strength when in these situations. We don’t need to be the centre of attention or the life of the party. Rather, we get to facilitate others so they can be the centre of attention and the life of the party. 

As I traveled to different countries (and yes, I do look forward to doing again), present at conferences, meet new people, I still feel like the ocean undertow is threatening to suck me in. Having a co-worker (or hubby) with me is a lifeline, but not always possible. However, when I remember to take my eyes off me, and focus on others, I have been so gratified to meet many awesome people who are more than willing to tell me their stories and share their experiences. You see, networking doesn’t just happen in huge crowds, but also between strangers standing on the train platform outside of Glasgow, or waiting for a bus in Amsterdam, or having coffee in a local café in Florence. Networking is about connections (I actually don’t even like the term ‘networking’, so it is now nixed from my vocabulary!) Connections bring people together. Connections are like a beautiful symphony performed when individual musicians join their skills and passions together to make harmonious music. Making new connections is worth the discomfort of sweaty palms, shortness of breath, and even fear of rejection. 

I can’t wait to build more connections as I journey to places unknown. 

This was my view from the Delta Grand Hotel in Kelowna, BC